Life of a Closet Lesbian Saying 1

Life is what you call a beautiful thing to live in. Yes, it is beautiful but sometimes there's sadness, anger, loneliness, challenges, well that what each of us face in life. I haven't blog in a while, I'm trying to manage my time well as it gets busier day by day. Taking up degree, currently taking the finals for Semester 2 but will be going on to semester 3 in March. Life goes on fast. In 7 months, I will 21. As what people say here, freedom age or the age that you're allowed to vote. As the age moves up, sure there will be all sorts of challenges. But hey, this is life right? 

For 20 years of my life, changes and changes. There are good and bad changes. Medically speaking, there's also a change. Being told to lose weight is the most hardest part last year. First, it is because I love to eat. Really I do. Philosophically, people who love to eat are the happy ones. Well that is my saying though. But that is what I see in my opinion. Because all of the family aspirations and expectations, I have to lose weight. So my progress is 50% of being force, 40% I have to and 10% because I want to. I know that is a bad progress. Laugh laugh. But after few months, so far, I've lost 15kg. It does feel good for the changes though but I realized something. I do love working out, it released stress. Smile smile. But never workout out of anger or sadness. I did last year and dang, NOT GOOD. I repeat NOT GOOD. Above all, I'm happy with the changes. Another change is that, I got my first piercing on my left upper ear. THAT IS MY FIRST PIERCING IN MY 20 YEARS OF LIFE. Sorry caps. But yeah. I want to get another piercing though. But with parents approval. Yes I'm a good girl, with quotation. I do want to get a tattoo on my birthday. I've asked my parents but they forbid me to get it. I want to get this wordings, "Have Faith In Me" below my collar bone because those wordings means so much to me. People told me not to do this that because in their mind, I can't do it. "Have faith in me" is what I want to show them, to believe in me that I can do things.

As far as this life goes, I'm still a closet lesbian. Yes, I haven't come out to my parents yet because I'm afraid. Yes, I'm afraid that it will disrupt the family relationship. I don't want that to happen. I'm content with my life but I just don't want to live in hiding for who I am anymore. I want to be open and accepted. But that is just hard to happen with my family. Both of my sisters knows and my brother. All I need is for my parents to know. Maybe I'll just keep this to myself for just a bit more time. I'll finish my degree then probably its time to tell them. My friends, my close friends to be specific, yes they know and I'm thankful for their acceptance for who I am. They know how I feel and sometimes we make jokes about me being gay. This is why I'm so thankful for their 100% of acceptance and support. I love them to bits. Most of everyday of my life, I'm thinking of when will I tell my family about the real me. A lesbian who has been hiding from her identity for years because she is afraid of her family won't accept her. It made me think, when? How? Will I? For all I know, I will keep moving forward in life, complete my task, get my degree, fulfill my future, then I will know what to do in the next step. I know for now, I will just be a closet lesbian and live my life to the fullest.

Cheers~

One of the few changes :)

This is me on the 5th of November 2011

This is me on the 7th of January 2012















Any changes? The hair yes :) Also, lose few weights. Only few xD

Haven't been on here in a while *blows dust off away* swoossshh

So, I haven't been on here in a while. Hey! I got reasons. Well I'm sorry for being an unmanageable person in the blogging industry. Lots of Laugh. So, yes another SO. Things has changed, quite a few in my life. I'll post a change in my other post later. Okay, first year of degree, second semester, currently sitting for the finals. Few months to go before the third semester. Moving to Shah Alam for 2 years. Changes and more changes. Am I Happy? Am I Sad? Am I Reluctant? I'm not sure how I feel about it. I like unplanned things, it makes life more excited to live in. Okay, this is my first post since the last post that I post here, which is last year I think, so lets update more :)

Best BIRTHDAY EVERRRRRRR :'D

So this person was born on the 10th of July 1991, 5.30am, healthy and yeah, crying a lot. She was named Jacinta Lontue E. Jominol by her grandparents on her father's side, and on sunday the 10th, she turned 20! That person is me :) A year older, a year wiser. Hehe. So on sunday, celebrated my birthday with my three sisters, Candice, Gracie and Nana. We went to Upperstar. Crazy thing happened? Yeah Candice and Nana were goofing around with the computer, and Nana hit this button which makes the computer to QWERTYUIOP! Funny times. And oh yeah, they made me open my present, man twas HUGE. Well, guess what? THEY GAVE ME A STUFFED PENGUIN! WAIT..I REPEAT THAT, A HUGE STUFFED PENGUIN! Twas from Candice, Gracie and Dora :') Thank you so much guys. Oh yeah! We named the penguin, PANTATZ! And Nana, abuse it. SEXUALLY ABUSE IT xD then we were suppose to go to Perdana Park but its close so Nana told us to go to cybercity. We went there, my friends made me carry Pantatz and told me to wait at the basketball court. I WAS STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE COURT ALONE WITH PANTATZ IN MY ARMS..so..I waited, they asked me to turned around, THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER! Nana BAKED ME A CAKE! :'D They sang happy birthday to me..and so there the senior pjs saw us..haha! We ate the cake in the middle of the court, MAN IT WAS AWESOME! 

And also today, I got a mystery present from somebody, well two person. Okay, its not a mystery anymore xD Guess what? A PENGUIN GLOBE! From Aina and Shasha. Awwwwhhhhh! :'D and owh, not forgetting, Afiq bought me a slice of secret recipe's cake. NomNomNom! ♥

I feel like crying. Tears of joy, happiness..I'm so blessed to have such friends like them. I love you guys so so much! ♥♥♥

Here's Pantatz! :'D

Ze Penguin Globe from Aina and Shasha :)

Till the next post. Much love ♥

~Cheers

Another one from my poetry archive ^.^

This was written on 9.17.2010.

You're the One For Me

Can you feel this heart beat?

The sound of happiness,

I'm feeling up the heat, 

There is no sadness.

Your smile made my day,

Keeps my worries at bay,

Deep in my heart,

You are all that I feel.

When I close my eyes,

You are all that I can see,

Deep in my thoughts,

You're the one for me.

Well, looks like someone is in love in this poem? Trust me, it wasn't me. Wait..it was written last year..when I was with, I prefer not to mention that person's name. Ah yes, I might..I said -might- be in love when I wrote this poem.

Till the next post

~cheers

another from my poem archive :)

This was written on the 5.21.2011

Heartache

Laying on the grassy field,

Staring at the sky so blue,

Tracing invisible hearts,

Heartache dwells in me.

As I close my eyes,

Feels the wind blowing,

As this heartache grows,

I'm damned to be hurt.

Opening this eyes,

Fill with agony and pain,

Stood up and stare,

Spread my arms wide.

As I feel the wind,

Blowing through my face,

I clenched my teeth,

Throw my fist into the air,

I cursed myself for being alive.

This heartache hurts so much,

Feeling the pain in my veins,

Look forward to nothing,

I fucked up everything.

Okay, when I read this poem back, its kind of a suicide-like kind of poem? O.O

What happened to me back in May? I remembered that I was really depressed but the reason was a bit blurry. Now it makes me wonder..why..

Till the next post

~cheers

JACEEEEEE!!! what happen to you? o.o xD

*shouts* HERRRROOOOOOWWWWWWW!!! (well sorry for my ADHD moment, I haven't been on here in while. I beg thy mercy xD) So the inside scoop? The goss? The 411? TELL ME! Oh wait, no, I SHOULD TELL YOU! (sorry ADHD moment again..hey! don't blame me, i'm hyper, I just ate like ASDFGHJKL bars of chocolates) Okay, I'm weird, nuff' said. So, lets begin :)

Firstly, tomorrow is the third week of the 2nd semester of my first year degree in my 16 years of education. Why 16? Because I start going to school, wait no, pre-school when I was 4 years old, more like a nursery though but there are some learning during those days..ah yes *nods nods* Oh! Dad and sister just got home from megalong, yeah they went to watch Transformer. I'm waiting for my other sister to come back next week from Keningau so I can watch with her *nods nods* 

Secondly, guess who's the P.KO for this semester? Yours truly :) I'm still in hesitation though but I will try my best to do my job. This semester will be very busy, well in my prediction though..wait NO! Not prediction anymore, REALITY! Hahahahahaahaha! Ah well, life fucked us all aye? No one dies a virgin? LOL at that statement but somewhat seems to be true. So how will I cope? All I need is dedication, trust and faith in myself and in God. Another problem though, I'm somewhat a LAZY TWAT! Seriously, no shizz. Don't believe? Ask my MUM :D

Thirdly, my hair is short! How short? A picture will be the prove..well not a picture..pictures :) yep, that sounds right. The reason why I want my hair to be short, is because, gah! The heat nowadays, whoa! HOT! If the policy allowed public exposure, I'll take off my shirt in public. Hahahahahaah! I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST SAID THAT. I'm HOT, oh what now?! The weather temperature is hot. Thats the right statement. In class from monday to friday, ohmygoodnessofallthethingsthatisholy, soaking in sweat. I repeat, SOAKING IN BLOODY SWEAT! *glaring eyes*

This is BEFORE :)

And..AFTER :) with short bangs

Aights, moving on. Fourthly, well, life is not easy aight? Things go up..way up..way way up, then down..or DOWN TO THE CORE OF THE EARTH! o.o well that is scary ain't it? We have our own lives, no need to bug other people's life..WAIT WAIT WAIT! alright, I know bugging people's life is annoying, some say you're a busybody..but what is the person really care about you? I know..that got me thinking. So what I understand is..(this is just my opinion) you can bug people's life, but..don't bug too much aye? You don't want to be called as a stalker don't you? We all have limits, what to do? We're humans, and our limits is kind of one of our life challenges. 

and owh! Lastly, my latest 411! I'm addicted to PENGUINS!! AHHH! THEY'RE SO ADORABLE! (like me..cheh! puji diri sendiri)

My penguin whom I called, Mr. Bubbles. Love :)

I'm done for today :) Till the next post (I hope)

~Cheers <3