Life of a Closet Lesbian Saying 1

Life is what you call a beautiful thing to live in. Yes, it is beautiful but sometimes there's sadness, anger, loneliness, challenges, well that what each of us face in life. I haven't blog in a while, I'm trying to manage my time well as it gets busier day by day. Taking up degree, currently taking the finals for Semester 2 but will be going on to semester 3 in March. Life goes on fast. In 7 months, I will 21. As what people say here, freedom age or the age that you're allowed to vote. As the age moves up, sure there will be all sorts of challenges. But hey, this is life right? 

For 20 years of my life, changes and changes. There are good and bad changes. Medically speaking, there's also a change. Being told to lose weight is the most hardest part last year. First, it is because I love to eat. Really I do. Philosophically, people who love to eat are the happy ones. Well that is my saying though. But that is what I see in my opinion. Because all of the family aspirations and expectations, I have to lose weight. So my progress is 50% of being force, 40% I have to and 10% because I want to. I know that is a bad progress. Laugh laugh. But after few months, so far, I've lost 15kg. It does feel good for the changes though but I realized something. I do love working out, it released stress. Smile smile. But never workout out of anger or sadness. I did last year and dang, NOT GOOD. I repeat NOT GOOD. Above all, I'm happy with the changes. Another change is that, I got my first piercing on my left upper ear. THAT IS MY FIRST PIERCING IN MY 20 YEARS OF LIFE. Sorry caps. But yeah. I want to get another piercing though. But with parents approval. Yes I'm a good girl, with quotation. I do want to get a tattoo on my birthday. I've asked my parents but they forbid me to get it. I want to get this wordings, "Have Faith In Me" below my collar bone because those wordings means so much to me. People told me not to do this that because in their mind, I can't do it. "Have faith in me" is what I want to show them, to believe in me that I can do things.

As far as this life goes, I'm still a closet lesbian. Yes, I haven't come out to my parents yet because I'm afraid. Yes, I'm afraid that it will disrupt the family relationship. I don't want that to happen. I'm content with my life but I just don't want to live in hiding for who I am anymore. I want to be open and accepted. But that is just hard to happen with my family. Both of my sisters knows and my brother. All I need is for my parents to know. Maybe I'll just keep this to myself for just a bit more time. I'll finish my degree then probably its time to tell them. My friends, my close friends to be specific, yes they know and I'm thankful for their acceptance for who I am. They know how I feel and sometimes we make jokes about me being gay. This is why I'm so thankful for their 100% of acceptance and support. I love them to bits. Most of everyday of my life, I'm thinking of when will I tell my family about the real me. A lesbian who has been hiding from her identity for years because she is afraid of her family won't accept her. It made me think, when? How? Will I? For all I know, I will keep moving forward in life, complete my task, get my degree, fulfill my future, then I will know what to do in the next step. I know for now, I will just be a closet lesbian and live my life to the fullest.

Cheers~