Proud to Be For Who I Am

And my last post was about me being gay. Don't know whats the meaning of gay? It means Homosexual. People don't use homosexual anymore, they use gay to describe a homosexual person. So, wanna know a lil bit about me? Firstly, I'm gay. Secondly, I've been a gay for about 5 years now. I was bi-curious when I was 13 to 14. Since I can't be in love with guys, well, means I'm gay. But I adore guys okay, just not fall in love with them. I ADORE GAY GUYS! Seriously I do, since they don't like girls, and I don't fall in love with guys, no one will get pregnant and none will make anyone pregnant. See, thats a plus for being gay. Plus, my parents still doesn't know that I'm gay though. Coming out to them is going to be really hard as my parents plus my whole family are religious especially my grandparents and they all live in a world of conservation. So, I decided to keep this secret and wait for the right time to tell them. Its best to tell them rather they found out themselves right? A friend of mine advised me to tell when I'm already working and have my own house. Well, I think thats a good idea. At least, if they disowned me, I have a place and financial security to support myself. Oh God, I just hope that disowning part won't happen. I know my parents would be rage and disappoint in me because they might think that they didn't raise me well. Well, they did. I'm well educated and I'm going to be a teacher. I also know its going to be hard for them to accept me for who I am but its me. I'm me. I just can't seem to understand why people are against LGBT people. I mean that we are for who we are. We don't go around telling people to be like us or anything. It's our choice to be like this. Its my choice to be like this, its my life, and I know whats best for me and I think being gay is whats good for me. I know who reads this will be in total shock but my hope for you is for you to accept me for who I am and that would mean so much to me. When I was in matriks, the first person that I told that I was gay was my friend, Stephanie, and to my surprise, she's okay with me and would rather me being gay. She's not gay though, but she accepted for who I am. And so here goes the list the people that I told, Sharon, Steffi, Candice, Dora, Zell, Nana, Gracie, Shasha, Audrey and Lorraine [cousins], Jana [bro ex-gf] and my brother kinda know and he accepted me. How do I know? I chat with his ex-gf and told her bout me so she said "your bro knows you are and he said he support you all the way"..that made me cry and seriously happy. I'm glad that my brother accepted me for who I am. You know, living in a place where there are homophobic everywhere is really hard, since I have to pretend to be someone thats not me. I HATE IT! I keep asking and asking, why do everyone can't just accept the fact that we, gays/lesbians/bi, are happy being for who we are? Sometimes I just feel like shouting, LEAVE US ALONE, WE ARE HAPPY AND PROUD FOR WHO WE ARE, CAN YOU PEOPLE BE MATURE FOR ONCE?! *sigh* To be honest, I've cut myself because of this and now I realized that fuck all the homophobes, I'm happy and they can't bring me down! And so you see the happy cheery Jaceyy, loving and living life to the fullest. I feel relieve writing this all, I just wished that I can say this to my parents. I'm a christian, and according to the bible, being gay is a sin. I know that, and I'm still happy being like this and I'm sure, God loves me. I feel sorry for those who commit suicide coz of homophobic bullied them. I don't want that to happen anymore. I know..I believe that this world would change someday and accept us and me for who we are and the world would get along just fine. 

LASTLY, I WOULD LIKE TO SAY...

I'M GAY

AND I'M PROUD TO BE FOR WHO I AM

I WILL NOT CHANGE FOR ANYONE!

p/s: If you're reading this, and you accepted me for who I am, I thank you so much for being a good friend. And for those who feel disgusted and hate me after reading this, you have your own opinion right? I can't change your mind but I hope you will someday.

Coming Out to this blog, I'm not afraid to say that I'm Proud to be for Who I Am

Rainbow Colors is ANOTHER way for God to say...


it's OKAY to be GAY! :D


I'm proud to be who and what I am now, I'm gay and I love being one, I don't care what people is going to talk about me, thrashing behind my back and stuff, but one thing for sure, being gay is the most happy decision that i've made so far. Woohoo!

I HAVE MY PRIDE AND I'M PROUD FOR WHO I AM!

another poem from my archive..but this one is depressing..

So, I decided to post another poem from my archive but BE WARNED, this one is depressing. I remember when I wrote this when I was depressed..lets see, oh this year..June..hmm..I remember that I was depressed because of..ah..relationship. WHAT THE FUCK?! ITS ALWAYS ABOUT RELATIONSHIP! Ah, what the hell, let me just post this poem here aye? :)

Falling Fragment of Feelings

When I close my eyes,

All I see is darkness,

When I open my eyes,

All I see is plain white walls,

Filled with nothing but a feeling of loneliness,

Empty.

Feeling of sorrow,

Overwhelming my entire body,

With bloodshed tears,

Flowing from this sad eyes,

Left dangling in the abyss,

Despair.

With this knife,

Let it cut through my veins,

With this dagger,

Thrust it deeply into my heart,

Let the blood flows and tainted the ground,

Suffer.

Take my heart and tore it,

Tore it in front of me,

Then look into this eyes filled with anguish,

Leave me to die and rot,

Let the earth bury this rotten body,

Forgotten.

not my day :'(

So, today is not my day. Why everyone is blaming me and keep putting me down? Especially my own family? I feel so unwanted :'( I don't want to go back to that fucked up path. Oh wait, yeah..its October! Damn it! Damn October! Why do you have to be so fucked up to me?! First my family..then my girl, Jessica. I got an email from her yesterday, I sent her pics and message for our 1st Month Anniversary and guess what she replied? "I love you too baby", thats her reply. I'm happy to got her email, its not that I don't appreciate or something but after what I sent her, and I only got that reply. But at least I know that she still loves me. But..I know there's always a "but", I got a feeling again. Does she really love me? I know I shouldn't questioned this, but I need to know. She's my everything and I can't risk of losing her. I want her in my life, more than anything. I want to raise Gabriel together with her, I want her to be my wife. I know its against the law, but love knows no rule, it doesn't matter who you love as long the love is true and honest. *sigh* I shouldn't be like this, I hate this feeling. I can't breathe well, feels like I'm drowning. Okay, calm down Jace. Think positive. And so, this poem came into my mind, wrote it down and came out like this.

I Wish To Close My Eyes

Sitting on this chair,

Feeling of remorse,

What a stench in the air,

Sadness kicks in.

Things that I look here,

All are just blurry,

With a hiss of slurry,

I feel like a whore.

Why is so hard?

To put a smile on this face,

Going through this pace,

It's killing me inside.

I fucked everything up,

Every little thing in life,

I messed it all up,

I can't turn back.

My heart aches,

I feel breathless,

Drowning in my own tears,

I wish to close my eyes.

another poem was made coz of someone..

Okay, so there's this person on twitter..well I have a crush on her. Last friday, I told her about my feelings and it turns out she have a crush on me too. Now, why I didn't notice that? She said she gave me hints..LOL! I suck at hints. I know..LAME. So me and her agree to be a couple for a week. Twitter couple to be specific :) but it seems like my feelings grew? This can't be! Because I have a girlfriend and I miss her dearly. I don't know what happened, she never call me and I can't seem to call her. OMG! Another negative thought O_O GET OUT! Okay back to my twitter girl, so I wrote this poem for her and will give this to her on sunday which is our last day being together as a couple.

The Person That I've Fallen For

So this story begins,

I'm not sure how to start,

Meeting you was something,

It made my heart pounding.

I was not sure at first,

But as days passed,

This feeling grew stronger,

I can't deny it much longer.

You caught my attention,

I would never have imagine,

For this feelings towards you,

And I know it is true.

Missing you was unstoppable,

Every time you crossed my mind,

The feeling of happiness grew,

You made me smile.

 For a week being together,

It feels like forever,

Every moment are treasured,

You mean so much to me,

Because it was you,

The person that I've fallen for.

its all alright now...

So couple days back, me and Jess argued and kinda broke off for 2 days. The reason is because someone told her that I cheated. Which I didn't. So I gave her space for 2 days and yesterday she called me, so we talk about it. I talked to her that I didn't even cheated on her and beg me to take me back. She said that she's not going anywhere and told me that she loves me. And...she finally uses our son. You might freak out haha, she adopted a son and yeah, he's our kid :) Our son's name is Gabriel Michael. Aww, I love my baby girl :')

and our 1st Month Anniversary is almost near. 

what is happening between us?

Okay, its been a while but since Jessica got into that accident we seem to fall apart. And yesterday I asked her a stupid question and might be one of the reason we fall apart. I hate this. So, December with her is so not going to come. So much for being happy for once in my life. She told me yesterday that she adopted a baby and named him Gabriel Michael. She's the mom, i'm with her, so I'm the parent too? I don't know. With this situation, I don't know anymore. So, I've got a feeling that me and her are going to be over soon. I could die..ughh! Same thing happen to October last year, you know, with Vanessa. Its such a coincidence that is October now and this happen. OKAY, I HATE OCTOBER AND THATS FINAL! I have a MUET test tomorrow and this thing is so bothering me :'( I'm stressing out here! I just need explanation from her. I need her to tell me that she doesn't care anymore, she doesn't feel the same way anyway, tell me she doesn't love me anymore then i'll be on my way leaving for good. Only if she intends to say that all. But I got a feeling of it. Dammit! I'm so sad! I hate being sad, I hate crying, I hate being like this! :'(

Another one from my poetry archive :)

So, I was going through my poetry archives and ah! I found a poem that I finished about 2 days ago. So, here is is....

Care To Explain That?

Well its hard to explain,

But I'll try if you let me,

What have I gotten this time around,

I would never want it to fade away.

I've never seen a smile that can light

The room like yours,

It's simply radiant,

I feel more with everyday that goes by,

You're an angel in disguise.

Each day passed by,

Everytime I looked at you,

The feeling inside me goes 'whoa',

Care to explain that?

Okay, I know this is not my best one, but at least I've tried right? I've been improving myself day by day and I hope it goes well for me. I'll keep on posting new poems and old poems in my archive. Until then, thank you for reading :)

What happen? You'll know..

So, as day passed by, I met this new girl, Jessica. We've known each other for 2 weeks now. Guess what? I'm in a relationship with her. You see here, she's different from any other girl that I know. I mean like, she treats me differently and she plans to come here and spend time with me. Of all the girls I've ever been with, never said this to me and yet I can see her effort in this relationship. She calls me, emailed me and worried if I don't answer her calls or anything. But last tuesday when I didn't answer her calls, things started to fall apart. She started to question about my feelings to her which I think its well, bothers me. I don't know. I love her so much, with all my heart, with all my life, I want to be with her, only her and no one else. As for Nicole, I don't know about this, we don't talk much anymore. I really don't know what she feels about me. But the way Jessica made me feel, I can feel it, she took my breath away and she left me in awe. I hope our relationship stays forever, coz if I lose her, I will seriously die, I would never ever want to lose her. And I wrote poem for her.

Everytime My Heart Beats

As day passed by,

I looked at the sky,

Seeing birds flying high,

Feeling happy without deny.

I looked out my window,

Staring at the meadow,

Wind blowing towards my face,

I was in gaze.

My heart beats fast,

As you came into my mind,

Radiant as ever,

An image will stay forever.

Flawless in everything I see,

You took my breath away,

Even the sea can't tear us apart,

You're everything to me.

This is no ordinary love,

Our love will stay forever true,

Just you and me,

We'll be together always and forever.

I love you so much Jessica,

You're all I need in my life,

I feel you in me,

Every time my heart beats.