not my day :'(

So, today is not my day. Why everyone is blaming me and keep putting me down? Especially my own family? I feel so unwanted :'( I don't want to go back to that fucked up path. Oh wait, yeah..its October! Damn it! Damn October! Why do you have to be so fucked up to me?! First my family..then my girl, Jessica. I got an email from her yesterday, I sent her pics and message for our 1st Month Anniversary and guess what she replied? "I love you too baby", thats her reply. I'm happy to got her email, its not that I don't appreciate or something but after what I sent her, and I only got that reply. But at least I know that she still loves me. But..I know there's always a "but", I got a feeling again. Does she really love me? I know I shouldn't questioned this, but I need to know. She's my everything and I can't risk of losing her. I want her in my life, more than anything. I want to raise Gabriel together with her, I want her to be my wife. I know its against the law, but love knows no rule, it doesn't matter who you love as long the love is true and honest. *sigh* I shouldn't be like this, I hate this feeling. I can't breathe well, feels like I'm drowning. Okay, calm down Jace. Think positive. And so, this poem came into my mind, wrote it down and came out like this.

I Wish To Close My Eyes

Sitting on this chair,

Feeling of remorse,

What a stench in the air,

Sadness kicks in.

Things that I look here,

All are just blurry,

With a hiss of slurry,

I feel like a whore.

Why is so hard?

To put a smile on this face,

Going through this pace,

It's killing me inside.

I fucked everything up,

Every little thing in life,

I messed it all up,

I can't turn back.

My heart aches,

I feel breathless,

Drowning in my own tears,

I wish to close my eyes.